When Stress is Actually GOOD for You

When stress is actually a good thing by Dr. Jack SingerWe are constantly bombarded with statistics regarding the harmful effects of stress on our health, both mentally and physically. We know that stress is one of the leading contributors to 8 of the most life threatening illnesses, including cancer, heart disease, strokes and contributes to many chronic diseases and anxiety-related illnesses. I even wrote a book, “The Teacher’s Ultimate Stress Mastery Guidethat teaches how to prevent and eliminate stress from one’s life.

So, with all of the warnings about keeping our stress levels low, is there any stress that is actually good for us? The answer is “absolutely!” The key is the level or amount of stress in your life, because there is point for each of us, when our stress level moves beyond healthy to unhealthy.

Since we lived in caves, the stressors in our lives served stimulate our nervous system to be vigilant and avoid dangerous situations, rather than have us passively sit back and get devoured by a predator. So, daily stressors keep us alert, motivate us and put us in the best position to succeed at tasks, as long as we keep them at a manageable level.

Think about taking an audition or performing on stage. If you are confident about your lines and acting ability, that stressor will pump you up and excite you about the experience you are about to engage in and the anticipated positive results. This feeling is similar to the effects of aerobic exercise.

On the other hand, if you tell yourself that you may forget your lines, or may be embarrassed by your upcoming performance, those thoughts will propel your stress level beyond healthy, toward threatening levels. You may feel weak-kneed, dizzy and begin to hyperventilate, with rising blood pressure. These sensations may be similar to those you feel when you are in a fit of anger.

Perception of the stressors in your life makes all the difference. It is noted by many researchers in the field that your stress level is 10 per cent what is happening to you at any time and 90 per cent how you interpret (i.e., what you say to yourself about) what is happening to you. When feeling nervous before an upcoming performance is interpreted as normal excitement, people perform much better than whey they tell themselves that the nervousness means they are going to have a problem.

Identify your stress levels.

So, picture a scale in your mind that ranges from 1 to 10. Stress levels below 3 will keep you relaxed and enable you to sleep, but such a level will not help you to perform your best. Levels above 7 will definitely keep you from performing your best. Consider a level between 4 and 6 to be your “power zone,” where you will be most efficient.

The key is learning to “dial back” harmful stress to manageable and healthy levels. The most efficient way to do that is to give yourself positive thoughts about whatever situation you are in, anticipate and expect good outcomes, learn to breath slowly and deeply through your diaphragm (like singers and musicians do) and build aerobic types of exercise into your weekly regimen.

Doing these things will put you in the best opportunity to stay in your power zone, for life!

Free 20 Minute Telephone Consultation with Psychologist Dr. Jack Singer

Communication Skills for Financial Advisors

Article originally published in Advisor Perspectives on February 28, 2012.

Communication Skills for Financial Planners from Dr. Jack SingerTo succeed as an advisor, it’s not good enough to have the right products and the right clients. You need to understand your clients’ underlying goals and constraints and to develop an atmosphere of trust and understanding. In the course of my work with numerous advisors, I have found that the “T.R.I.U.M.P.H.S” model effectively develops those skills.

Here’s the difference that model made for a couple of advisors:

Susan had been doing well in her advising career for many years. She understood how to how follow up on leads and referrals and how to offer excellent service to her clients. Yet she was amazed at how much more successful her colleague, Michael, was. She seemed to put a lot more hours and a lot more sweat into her work than Michael did, but Michael’s accounts and new referrals grew much faster than hers. What was she missing?

The key difference between Michael’s approach and Susan’s was the fact that Michael has trained himself to be an “active listener.” He used the T.R.I.U.M.P.H.S. model not only to help him maximize his client services, but also to communicate effectively with his wife and teenage children.

Here are the components of your sales ”triumphs:”

T – Treat your clients and prospects with respect. Developing rapport with prospective clients is a crucial first step. Smile, position yourself at the same level (sitting or standing, depending on what the client is doing), and slightly lean toward him, maintaining eye contact. Make sure your cell phone is on silent; give undivided attention to the client.

Listen to what the client is saying and don’t shuffle papers or start thinking about your response. Just listen to her. Regardless of what she asks, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need to answer immediately. It’s ok to say, “That’s a great question. Give me a day or so to research our products to find the one that precisely addresses your question.”Some clients can be long-winded, nervously asking a lot of questions, especially regarding expensive products but cutting off someone may lose you the rapport you need to develop. Always give the speaker the courtesy of finishing a point before you interject yours. Take notes so you won’t forget what you wanted to say.

RReflect back what your client is telling you before you actually respond. The best way to understand a prospective client is to make sure you are listening carefully. The best way to do that is to reflect or paraphrase what you heard her say before you comment on it. An example is, “What I’m hearing is that you are not certain that this product will serve your needs.”

I – “I statements” are powerful. As you paraphrase and reflect back what the client is saying, you can use “I statements,” which are very effective. For example, “I am getting the feeling that you are uncomfortable with this product and would like some other options.” To start with “You” would be much more instinctively threatening for the buyer. Imagine hearing, “You don’t like this product?”

Realize that understanding what the listener is saying doesn’t mean necessarily agreeing with him. You are simply showing that you are hearing his concerns. For example: “Fred, I hear your concerns because of your last experience with a similar product. Let me get the information you will need to make you feel better about this.”Always acknowledge the speaker and his position before voicing yours.

U – Understand the needs and goals of your client. If you are genuine and sell quality products that will truly satisfy your client’s needs and desires, that person will trust you. That includes not selling him the most expensive product if you believe it is not right for her. Nothing earns trust more than being honest.

M – Monitor the tone and mannerisms of the prospective client. Body language is so important that studies point out that only a small percentage of what is “heard” by a listener are the words of the speaker. Most of what we interpret is tone of voice, facial expressions, inflections, hesitations, etc. Watch for all of these indications of your client’s mood and attitude. You might even wait for a moment to interpret what you sense after a client is done speaking. You might say: “I am feeling as if you believe that I am trying to force you to buy this product, Alice. Is that what’s going on in your head?”

P – Probe gently and with respect. Your job is to try to understand what your prospective client needs and how you can accommodate those needs. The only way to show people that you have exactly the product to satisfy those needs is to ask gentle questions about their goals and hopes, as they relate to your product. An example is, “If you could describe the ideal software to solve your business problems, what would you like it to do for you?”

H – Help your client feel safe in the conversation. For major purchases, such as insurance policies and annuities, clients need to feel safe discussing their specific money issues. Gently probing about personal and family situations that affect their pocketbook requires them being able to trust you. This entails ensuring confidentiality and showing genuine concern for their needs. If you expect them to share their biggest fears and insecurities, you must focus in on what they’re saying, be sensitive, and assure them that you will help them to meet their goals.

S – Summarize. You’d be amazed at how you can demonstrate your listening skills by frequently summarizing what you just heard. This will also help you to focus and remember what the speaker is telling you. If you hit the key points in your summary, the speaker will feel validated and closer to you. If you missed key points that he is trying to convey, he can inform you. Practice this with friends and family. It’s easy to get the hang of it, and it really works!

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What Financial Advisors Can Learn from Eli Manning

How to Conquer the Real Threat to Your Success

I don’t know Eli Manning personally. But I know a thing or two about what it takes to become a champion, as he did by winning the Super Bowl on Sunday night.

In my 33 years of experience as a professional sports psychologist, I have counseled and trained many professional football players and world champion athletes. They all face challenges, adversities and setbacks during their careers, but a particular problem for many athletes is “imposter fear” – a psychological obstacle advisors may find familiar.

Imposter fear occurs when – no matter how much confidence or even swagger an athlete may display to teammates, opponents, coaches, or his fans – self-doubt nags at him, and he worries that he will be exposed as inadequate to the challenges he faces. In Eli’s case, he was always compared to his older brother and prior to his previous Super Bowl victory, pundits wondered if his performance under pressure would compare to Tom Brady’s. Advisors can also experience “imposter fear” – worrying that their success owes to luck and somehow they’ve fooled others into believing they are skilled advisors. It’s only a matter of time before that luck runs out and they are exposed. This fear causes performance anxiety and constant fear of failure.

I have helped many athletes overcome their impostor fear and consistently perform at their best. The same set of skills I teach them can help advisors, too.

For example, I was recently invited to consult with a wealth management firm whose president was concerned about inconsistent performance from a large percentage of his advisors. Moreover, because of the ailing economy and a roller-coaster stock market, his assets under management were declining sharply.

Following a series of confidential interviews with a broad sample of advisors in the firm, it became clear to me that many suffered from anxiety, because of the harsh market conditions and because of the president’s high performance expectations, but also because they harbored their own internal insecurities. I designed a series of training programs to teach the advisors how to recognize and overcome their fears, maintain an optimistic and proactive approach with their clients, use active listening skills, overcome stress and anxiety related to their job and ultimately lead to their clients directing new referrals to them.

But the most important issue I helped these advisors overcome? You guessed it: impostor fear.

Understand your fear, take charge of your fear

What Advisors Can Learn from Eli Manning  How to Conquer the Real Threat to Your Success by Jack Singer, Ph.D. Most advisors project confidence, but if they are honest with themselves, they will acknowledge having insecurities – reluctance to contact clients during market collapses, for example, or fear they won’t be able to answer a client’s question. Such doubts raise their anxiety level when they come to the office and find that the market is tanking. This is imposter fear.

Like most fears, the “imposter fear” is based on false beliefs; in this case that you are really not as competent as you appear. The most effective way to eradicate any fear is to understand the distorted thinking that causes it in the first place.

It’s not the economy or stock market that determines how confident or insecure you feel in your advisory practice. It is your internal dialogue, or your “self talk” about these issues, that determines whether you will thrive or struggle during difficult times.

That little voice in your head is what I call your “internal critic,” and most of the time it fills you with self-doubt.

Let’s take an example of my work with advisors at the firm I mentioned earlier. Matt (not his real name) worked in the firm for seven years. His performance was inconsistent, and his manager put him on notice that he needed to improve – the roller-coaster stock market notwithstanding. Like many people with “imposter fear,” Matt admitted to me that he frequently told himself: “I’m not as good an advisor as everyone says thinks I am. Now my boss has figured that out.” This is a textbook example of self-limiting thoughts, a crucial mental roadblock that many encounter when they experience stress.

Other examples of negative, self-limiting thoughts we often use are those that begin with…“What if…” “I hope I don’t…” ”I should have …” “I always have problems with…” and “I probably won’t be able to…”

I taught Matt to catch himself thinking such negative thoughts. In response, I had him make a fist as a reminder to “STOP thinking this way,” then take a few, deep, calming breaths, release the fist, relax, and proceed to substitute a more positive and optimistic thought. This technique only takes seconds, and it works instantly!

The key here was Matt’s ability to recognize his negative thinking. That recognition let him consciously substitute a more realistic counter-thought, such as:

“The fact that my manager has put me on notice doesn’t mean I am not cut out for this career. I’ve had many successful years in this business. I can use my creative ability to work with my clients in a proactive way, before the market tanks. I will gain their trust and show them how they can make money by making smart purchases in a down market. As a result, they will continue to do business with me, despite the stock market fluctuations, and my numbers will grow and be much more consistent.”

Kristen, an alias for another advisor in the firm, would think negatively whenever she was prospecting for new clients. She might ask herself, “What if the prospective client doesn’t commit to working with me after I discuss his situation with him?”I taught her to change this negative thinking habit with the following:“STOP this foolish thinking right now.” (Make a fist. Take a few relaxing breaths. Release the fist.) “Just relax. I don’t have to have 100% success in order to feel good about my skills. It’s a numbers game. If this one doesn’t pan out, I will have another opportunity. Just keep plugging away, I know I will get more clients.”

Just like Matt, once Kristen practiced this thought-stopping technique, she found herself much less anxious and much more confidant.

It is also helpful to keep a written record or journal detailing your successes and accomplishments during each workday. This is important because so many people, at the end of a long day, obsess about what they did wrong or what they did not accomplish. After games, successful athletes focus on what they did accomplish and build on that, rather than obsess over mistakes or missed opportunities.

Remaining optimistic after setbacks

Every athlete experiences adversity, as does every advisor. You lose clients; you struggle with a tough question. Successful advisors don’t expect to be perfect, but they fully expect to do well, regardless of the economy, the stock market, new fiduciary regulations – whatever stumbling blocks will inevitably lie in their way. They recognize that losing a client is all part of being in the business. They don’t let setbacks overshadow their accomplishments.

Advisors with positive expectations develop positive self-fulfilling prophecies and succeed most of the time. Reflecting on recent successes and achievements is a much better idea than obsessing over failures or setbacks. With practice, thought-stopping can help you convert negative thought processes into this kind of positive thinking.

Two months after I conducted the training program I describe above, I conducted another round of interviews with the advisors. Most were able to get in touch with the thoughts that were driving their imposter doubts and were using thought-stopping and counter-thought techniques to eradicate their fears. Both their morale and their numbers improved dramatically, even though the stock market remained just as volatile as it had been when they struggled.

As accomplished as he is, even Eli Manning surely had flashes of self-doubt as he prepared to take the field on Sunday night, and likely more in moments when the breaks didn’t seem to be going his way. What makes a successful quarterback is the ability to build off successes and forget about mistakes. Eli Manning became a world champion by learning to banish his doubts. What potential can those same skills help you unlock?

Out of bounds: Experts weigh in on youth sports

Sports Psychologists Dr. Alan Goldberg and Dr. Jack Singer agree that coaches and parents are not focused on the proper issues.

"What's harmful is that most adults involved in youth sports, mainly coaches and parents, have a very distorted image of what is important," Goldberg said. "A coach's responsibility is to understand they are like an educator. The outcome is not what's important. It's the experience and what these kids can gain from the process."

Instead, Goldberg, who has been a psychology consultant to young kids and college athletes, said the mentality that is bred is to admire the win-loss column. He also says the parents who push their kids are damaging them for the future as well.

"What ends up happening is that kid realizes very early on that the parent might be happier when the child performs well," he explained. "Very soon they realize if they fail their parents will be disappointed and see themselves as less lovable. That means every time they get there on the court or field, they put their `love-ability' at stake and parents don't realize that. Parents lose their perspective that these kids are going to be affected by how they act long after they put the bats and cleats away for good. These kids can be traumatized for a long time."

Singer, a California-based doctor who has dealt with athletes all over the world, would agree with Goldberg about the message coaches tend to send. Singer believes they should focus more on effort as opposed to winning.

"These New Canaan coaches basically had an all or nothing approach. It is `win' or be a failure. The problem with that is effort is never rewarded and kids will start to believe that if they are not perfect, then they're a failure," Singer said.

"It's really an archaic kind of coaching but it is prevalent. But effort means something. Take a team like the New York Giants who were on a losing streak earlier this season. Now they are in the Super Bowl. So effort is rewarded. If you are consistent in your effort then winning will take care of itself."

Singer also believes in what he calls the "Oreo cookie" approach to coaching.

"The first thing you do is you tell the youngsters something positive about their performance," Singer explained. "You follow that up with something you want them to improve upon and end it with another positive. The trophy burning situation was all negative and not the right way to handle this."

Both Singer and Goldberg also believe the gender issue is a problem and kids will never truly appreciate equality until boys and girls sports are given their fair share.

"What's important here? Why are professional male athletes and coaches more valued than their female counterparts? Somehow this patriarchal society we have stemmed from has gone full force in sports," Goldberg said. "It is gender discrimination. Why shouldn't girls have the same opportunity?"

Singer said he sympathized with Harris and her lawsuit against the NCLA.

"I agree 100 percent with this female coach," Singer said.

"In many cases, female sports are not considered as important and lacrosse is no different, especially at the high school and lower levels. It is considered by many as one of the traditional `manly' sports. That should not change anything and she shouldn't be treated any differently or penalized for bringing up equality."

The Ultimate Legacy of Papa Joe Paterno

Certainly the storied career of former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno has left many praising his legacy of career wins, devotion and loyalty to his university for so many decades, and his concern with providing a wonderful role model for the young men under his tutelage.

Sadly, the end of his career seriously tarnished the image of his decades of honor and success. Pundits will be debating for years whether to give Joe credit for what he accomplished or to revile him for what he did not do, with respect to the Jerry Sandusky sex abuse situation.

But it is precisely what he did not do that may be his greatest legacy after all. Because of what Joe did not do, sensitivity to the horrors of child sexual abuse (in and out of sports) is now at its highest level ever. Safeguards have become instituted in universities across the nation and victims are now encouraged to come forward, rather than living lives of secrecy and mental torment.

These crimes and sexual predators will always be among us, but because of the exposure of the Penn State situation, coaches, athletic directors, college deans and families of athletes will be on the lookout for signs and symptoms and as a result, countless abuses undoubtedly will be prevented.

Shortly after his dismissal, Paterno was diagnosed with lung cancer and broke his hip. Chemotherapy and radiation treatments weakened him, robbing him of his hair and his once-booming voice. In fact, in a recent interview with the Washington Post, he appeared frail, wearing a wig and speaking in a whisper. He canceled public appearances after the interview because of his failing health, according to family members and there was public speculation about how rapidly Mr. Paterno began physically failing when he gave every appearance of being hale and hearty just before he was relieved of his post.

It is really no surprise that a man who was so passionately devoted to his career and who suffered such major and humiliating stress, and the “death” of everything that he was justly famous for that his immune system deteriorated so dramatically and could not fight off the ravages of his illness.

For Paterno’s legion of fans, who referred to the coach affectionately as “JoePa,” the turbulent final months of Paterno’s life were a tragic end to an outstanding coaching career that was built around his motto of “success with honor.”

Rest In Peace Joe Paterno.

Stress and the Holidays

For many people, stress levels spike during holiday season and here are the key reasons.

A DOZEN TIPS TO BUILD YOUR RESILIENCY TO STRESS

More than twenty years ago, stress was the cover story in Time magazine. “Stress” was referred to as “The Epidemic of the Eighties,” and it was referred to as the nation’s number one health problem.

Flash forward to 2007. Results were released on December 12, 2007 from “Stress in America,” the American Psychological Association’s (APA) annual survey of stress in the general public in the U.S. The researchers interviewed 1848 adults 18 and over, and the interviews were conducted in both English and Spanish.

Seventy-nine percent of those surveyed believe that they cannot avoid stress and in the month prior to the survey, 77% of those surveyed experienced stress-related physical symptoms, including headaches, GI problems, and fatigue. Seventy-three percent admitted to emotional symptoms, including feeling nervous, lack of motivation, irritability, and anger. In addition, nearly half of Americans (43 percent) reported that stress negatively impacted their relationships with spouses or partners. A fourth of Americans believed that in the previous five years, their personal relationships suffered because of stress.

Since that report in 2007, the APA has found remarkably consistent findings each year. Add the holiday season to the mix, and for many, stress spikes even higher.

STRESS AND YOUR BODY
The domino effect of not controlling your stress levels is clear. Many studies have shown a direct link between stress and fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, gastrointestinal diseases, cancer, diabetes, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and macular degeneration.
We now understand that stress also impacts cholesterol levels, platelet activation (causing heart attacks), and shortened life span. Since sleeping difficulties negatively impact the immune system and lifespan and since stress is one of the main causes of insomnia, you can see your health and your life, itself, depend on taking charge of the stressors in your life.

HOLIDAY STRESS

For many people, stress levels spike during holiday season and here are the key reasons:

  • Many are nostalgic for the happy family experiences they had at this time of year and the family is now far away or is fractured by divorce and/or deaths
  • People who live alone often feel much worse around the holidays, which are viewed as times for people to come together to celebrate
  • If you are divorced and during the holidays you must split time with your children with your ex, it can be very frustrating and lonely
  • For many people, the winter months and the grey, gloomy weather increases depression and mood changes

 A DOZEN WAYS TO DEAL WITH LIFE’S STRESSORS, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION

It is important to remember that occasional or low levels of stress may actually be protective of our health! For example, stress makes us more vigilant to potential danger. So, totally eliminating our stress is not only impossible, but is probably not a good idea. It is prolonged and debilitating stress that is the culprit.

Both the National Mental Health Association and the American Psychological Association offer many recommendations to build resiliency against the inevitable stressors of life.

Here are a dozen ways to get started:

  • Recognize that it will never be a perfect world, even during the holidays, so go with the hand that has been dealt to you for these holidays. “It is what it is.” The holidays will pass quickly.
  • Become assertive and learn to say “no” to unreasonable time pressures and responsibilities that others put on you.
  • Exercise regularly, engaging in aerobic activities, and maintain good nutrition, avoiding caffeine, alcohol and nicotine.
  • Build relaxation time into your life and enjoy calming music or reading, especially during those times when you are not with family
  • Have a relaxing hobby that you enjoy and give yourself permission to engage in it each week, in order to distract your attention from stress-producing news on TV, for example.
  • Do one task at a time, instead of multi-tasking
  • Use the power of visualization to picture yourself engaging in relaxing, healthy pursuits and write down goals in order to accomplish those pursuits.
  • Use imagery, meditation or self-hypnosis to imagine accomplishing your goals peacefully, while letting go of situations over which you have little or no control.
  • Laugh each day, whether it’s from hearing or repeating jokes, watching funny videos or hanging around with funny people.
  • Stay away from highly tensed, negative people
  • Try to play with a pet each day.
  • Get professional help if you still feel overwhelmed and stressed.

Our world these days is filled with invitations to worry and feel hopeless. But events and situations only represent 10% of the stress in our lives. What we do about these events determines whether we will be overwhelmed or resilient. Begin practicing these dozen stress-busting tips and watch your life take a turn for the best!

Jack Singer, Ph.D.
Clinical/Sport Psychologist

Protecting Our Precious Children from Predators Lurking Among Us

The greatest risk to our children doesn't come from strangers but from friends and family.

In light of the devastating events that allegedly took place at Penn State and Syracuse Universities, we now see fresh evidence of horrific child sexual abuse that continues to be all too prevalent in our society. How many children have been violated and are living with the horrible emotions, too frightened to come forward?

Although it is impossible to put a cocoon around your children, there are many measures that you can put to use, which will mitigate the danger.

VULNERABILITY 

The greatest risk to our children doesn't come from strangers but from friends and family. Between thirty and forty per cent of children are abused by family members. As many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts, including relatives, coaches, teachers, clergy and others who are in positions of authority, power and influence. Imagine how difficult it is for children to say “no” to such people, especially if the abuser describes his behavior as “love” or “caring.”

Those who sexually abuse children are drawn to settings where they can gain easy access to children, such as sports leagues, religious youth centers, clubs, and schools. They go to extraordinary efforts to gain the trust of parents and other relatives. Imagine, for example, the vulnerability of a single parent’s children when a coach or teacher volunteers to watch over them after school or during times the parent must be at work.

WARNING SIGNS

Beware of adults who give excessive attention to your children, such as trying to get into one-on-one situations with them repeatedly. Where this gets tricky is with teachers and coaches, who show sincere care and want to offer one-on-one counsel. It is hard to differentiate genuine care from those who prey on children.

Look for changes in your child’s behavior, moods, attitudes and school performance.

Abusers frighten their victims by telling them that they (the victim) let it happen and their parents will be angry, so “don’t tell.” Even worse, some abusers threaten family members if the child tells.

PREVENTION

First, a coach should never be in a locker room alone with an athlete. Other players or coaches must be present. This not only goes for coaches of the same sex as the athlete, but obviously also in situations where the coach and athlete are opposite sexes.

Secondly, for younger players, in particular, a parent should be present at all practices. This is important not only to mitigate against sexual abuse possibilities, but also to hopefully mitigate the verbal abuse that often takes place between coaches and athletes. Coaches often bristle at parents being present because they don’t want parental interference in their coaching style. Assert yourself with the coach. If he insists that you not be present, remove your child from that coach/team.

If you have no proof of abuse, but you are worried about your child’s changing behavior or mood, it is better to err in the conservative direction by removing your child from the coach, team, club or situation.

If your child displays any of the warning signs above, attempt to speak with your child about what is disturbing him/her. Abused children often feel more comfortable discussing their fears with a trusted adult, afraid their parents will be angry or ashamed of them. So, have a relative or close friend connect with your child if you suspect anything. Don’t be disappointed that your child cannot discuss what happened with you.

If your child does begin to discuss what happened, make it safe for the child to express their fears. Don’t probe any more than the child feels comfortable with. It may take several discussions before your child can get all of the details out. Don’t judge your child. Just be empathetic and get the child professional help. Child psychologists are experts at helping abused children deal with their fears and trauma.

As parents, we are vigilant about teaching our children to watch for traffic before crossing, always put on your seat belt, and lock the doors when they are home alone. It is time we extend that vigilance to frank discussions about what behaviors by adults with whom they interact are proper and what behaviors are not. Tell your children to come to you when they are confused or worried about any adult’s interactions with them.
 

 

 

Jack Singer, Ph.D.
Clinical/Sport Psychologist

 

November is National Family Caregivers Month

November is National Caregiver Month by Dr. Jack SingerAccording to the The National Alliance for Caregivers 29 percent of the U.S. population provides care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend. The number of older Americans who are living with chronic disability and require help from family members is a major social concern.

Statistics show that about 75% of caregivers are women and two thirds of the caregivers in the United States hold down regular jobs in addition to being a caregiver which can lead to huge emotional and physical stress over time.

What is a Caregiver?

A caregiver is someone who, whether paid or unpaid, looks after another person who can no longer look after themselves due to illness, trauma, or old age. When a person is limited in what they can do, they need someone to step in and give them the care they need. These are people who need help with daily basic tasks such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, bill paying, meal preparation, medications, bathroom and personal hygiene, and so much more.There are millions of caregivers in the United States alone. If you are a caregiver, you are by no means alone.

It is not easy to be the one who is caring for someone else, no matter what their particular health issue may be. If you are in the position of being a caregiver for a loved one, here are some tips to help you when your energy flags and you are concerned about burnout.

Seek Resources

The internet is a wonderful tool for finding information about just about anything these days. Spend some time Googling terms that apply to your particular set of circumstances. For instance I just typed this search term into Google, “How to be a good caregiver” and found several excellent articles. This one in particular I thought was very helpful: Taking Care of YOU: Self-Care for Family Caregivers.

Take time to find out all you can about care giving and the resources available to you. Since you are not alone, there is plenty of information on the Internet, in magazines, and at local hospitals and nursing homes about the art of being a caregiver. When you know what you are facing, you can prepare for it.

Craft a Strong Support System

If you are caring for a family member, you may not be the only one who is working to see your loved one get better. Keep in contact with other family members so that you can coordinate your efforts on behalf of your loved one. If each person knows their role, there will be fewer reasons to stress out along the way and no one person bears the brunt of the entire responsibility.

Get to Know the Medical Professionals

I just Googled this term “Caregivers talking to medical professionals” and instantly found a great article at Caregivers Support.org called “Communication with Health Care Professionals” that gives some excellent advice and tips for talking to healthcare professionals.

Take Care of Yourself!

Caregiving is demanding and caregivers need time off from their caregiving responsibilities to relieve stress and prevent burnout.

  • Schedule regular afternoon or evenings out.
  • Take time to talk with friends, either in person or on the phone.
  • Eat nutritious meals.
  • Get enough sleep.
  • Exercise regularly. It is a great stress buster.
  • Make a list of jobs you could ask for help with. For some reason, this seems to be one of the hardest things for caregivers to do!
  • Arrange adult day care.
  • Join a support group.
  • Draw strength from your faith.
  • Take time to pamper yourself.
  • Plan a weekend getaway.
  • Hire a temporary caregiver from a respite care program. While many forms of respite care exist, the quality of care provided by respite services may vary.  Therefore, it is important to check out the facility before leaving your loved one

What Has Happened to Accountability in Athletic Organizations?

Sports Pyschologist Dr. Jack Singer discusses the Coach Jerry Sandusky sex abuse scandalThis new and startling revelation aboutCoach Jerry Sandusky, the Penn State Defensive Coordinator who was arrested Saturday on 40 criminal counts of child sex abuse, is yet another example of “Let’s hope this will just go away by not making it public.”

Was there ever a concern for the victims in this case by the university and those within the football program? Was there ever a concern in that organization that bynotinforming the police, that the perpetrator was free to carry out his demented desires with untold other victims?

University administrators were aware that a graduate assistant had seen Sandusky attacking a young boy in the team’s locker room shower in 2002. However, even though Sandusky was prohibited from holding youth sports camps on campus in 2002, he continued to hold them through 2008 under his Sandusky Associates company at the university’s Behrend campus, just outside Erie. Further, it is being reported by a person familiar with Sandusky’s relationship with Penn State that the former coach long maintained an office in the East Area Locker building which is across the street from the Penn State football team’s building, and was on campus as recently as week ago working out.

We see this all the time:  athletes or coaches with addictive issues are protected so that they can continue to perform for the team; domestic violence is almost an acceptable behavior if the athlete is one of the stars of the team; coaches who abuse their athletes describe their victims as wimps, or worse (e.g., “This is nothing.  You should have seen how my coaches treated me!”).

Why is it that the everyday Joe is accountable, but many star athletes and coaches (as well as celebrities in any arena) get a free pass, unless the media get wind of their behaviors)? Think Lindsay Lohan here.

It's time to make every individual, regardless of his/her popularity, power or importance to the team accountable for their behaviors.

The Michael Vick’s of sports have paid for their deeds, but I fear that they represent only the tip of the iceberg.  Furthermore, these cover-ups tarnish the image of the majority of athletes and coaches who lead clean lives, tending to their families, and appreciating the gifts that the Almighty has bestowed on them.

Jack Singer, Ph.D.
Licensed and Certified Clinical & Sport Psychologist

The Slow Demise of My Beloved 2011 Red Sox

The Slow Demise of My Beloved 2011 Red Sox by Sports Psychologist Dr. Jack SingerBy now, all of you who are baseball fanatics have observed the unbelievable collapse of a wonderful baseball team during September, which culminated in their most frustrating moment, losing to Baltimore with one strike separating them from a win and at least a tie in the wild card race.

We all read with sadness how Tito Francona felt somewhat helpless trying to rally his players and eliminate the causes which he identified as contributing to their uncharacteristic collapse.   If you look at any organization in the business world, what would you, as the CEO, do if your manager is impotent?  This was the question facing the Red Sox brass, when Tito removed himself from the equation, citing that the club needed “a new voice.”

What to do to rectify the situation:

Here are my thoughts about putting this baseball organization back on top where they can get the most out of their remarkable talent base.

  1. First, management must identify the specific sources of disruption in the leadership and communications failures that plagued the Sox, particularly as the season wound down.
  2. Secondly, they need to carefully assess the personality traits of candidates for the manager’s job and match them to the needs of the players whom he must manage.  This step is almost never addressed in athletic hiring decisions.  Using the specialized tools of the Industrial/Organizational psychologist during this process will offer a new picture of the organizational culture and the best fit for a new manager.
  3. Third, each ball player needs to be assessed to determine what specific issues led to their personal failure to produce consistently.  Sport Psychology techniques are perfectly suitable for making this determination and designing individualized remediation programs for each player, designed to prevent this from reoccurring next season.

In short, the Red Sox masterminds need to go outside the organization and bring in an expert, who can come on board and help them make the right selection, so our beloved Sox will go on to years of post-season glory!